The summer after graduation, I was rolling down the street in my 1991 white Geo Tracker with my girlfriends when we saw some boys walking. We immediately recognized them from school and we talked and all made plans to meet up later that night. I reconnected with my friend Ben. He was 5 foot, half Asian and German with brown fuzzy hair and freckles!! Ben and I were inseparable-the best-est of friends, we'd talk well into the night about whatever popped in our heads, the comfort level was just settling to my soul. As I said previously in my other post, I didn't know who I was. I was "Weird". He made me feel like a person that was funny and beautiful and most importantly loved. A deep love that still to this day makes me get goose bumps, then one night it all changed. He kissed me, he kissed me and didn't stop. I can still feel those big dry lips If I think hard enough! He moved in with me and on February 14, 1995, we conceived Marissa. That was it, we settled down worked and I enrolled in college. My pregnancy changed our lives in so many ways. I wanted to be an educated mother and give my daughter a stable, non-dysfunctional home. He wanted the same because his home life wasn't the best either.
Life was good. I got a great job he did too, and we bought a house and we were in love. Happiest times of my life. You know it's so good that you are so scared something bad is going to happen and it never did! To fall in love with your best friend is the foundation of a great relationship.
2003-I got pregnant with our son Ben and was planning our wedding. I couldn't see myself with another man and we've created two amazing kids together, I finally had the family and life I craved as a kid.
My father died 3 months after my son was born and it was the the saddest day of my life ( I'll touch on this more when I cover the "Suicide" post). Not only was I a new mother I had lost my father to a tragic event and I died that day with my dad! I died- I gave up- I didn't communicate with Ben anymore- I camped out at the cemetery, I went to counseling I started drinking, heavily. After that nothing else mattered to me I was such a selfish person then. He stood by me.
In 2006-We lost his brother and then he lost it. I was still in a daze doing life functions and mentally gone. I was no help. I loved his brother very much as well we were alot closer than people may have realized. He was my sounding board.
Five years has passed since my father's death and we were living together as roomates. He slept on the couch and I slept in our bedroom. Things were bad. I felt neglected on so many levels. I soon cheated on him, moved out and the rest is still a love story...
I call him or vice-versa everyday! He checks on me. We still talk about anything and everything- Mostly about how I fucked up again and how its all my fault and how I am I going to fix it. He's engaged and has been living with another woman for the past 6 years. I on the other had have been in one bad relationship after another. But that one thing-that still remains constant is us. Always listens and always helpful. Still my Best Friend and Love of My LIFE. I'll be okay if love doesn't find me again-- at least I could say for those brief 11 years I had. He's what makes me Smile!
Ben and I in 1996:
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