Making It Better Slowly

Today I have made giant steps in this huge world.  I saw my probation officer at 7:30 a.m. which consists of a group effort. My mom drives for an hour and a half and drops off my little sister patty at 6 a.m. at my house.  I myself have been up since 5:00 am - preparing breakfast, lunch and snacks for the day, and pack accordingly for myself for the day.  I catch the 6:45 am bus.I ride it for 30 minutes to my destination, downtown Kansas City, Kansas. In a car it would of been a 10 minute ride.

I tell my probation officer that I see three times a month. "No I haven't finished my community service, no I haven't paid any money on my fines".   ... depressing ....I leave.

I walk one block over and talk to my child support people.  I haven't had a payment in over 3 months from the father of the three youngest babies. All together  "Deadbeat" . Like I don't have bills to pay and mega diapers to buy.  I wait for 45 minutes and no one is in yet to speak to me.. It's 8:45 a.m.  I leave.

I walk back one block to the building I just left and attend drug counseling class. I have been attending since January.  I have been sober from alcohol and Marijuana for 1 year coming up on the 31st of August!  They usually last a little less than 2 hours. We talked about love addiction today- bad relationships. It was quite pertinent to my life and the lives of others in my class. I left feeling more confident in myself and in my decision in ending my last relationship (GAWD I loved him). Asshole.Methead MF.. Okay anyways... It's 10:45 a.m. I leave.

I walk I block down to the health department because I'm thinking about having sex one day again and I need protection.  I get my lil goodie bag of condoms and my bus is coming I'm running. It's 11:15 a.m. It's been a while since I have had some good relations!

I'm on the bus again I am headed to talk to a nun about my overwhelming problems.  We talked for an hour and I brought up alot of things. I made a list of my problems in priority order: 1) Housing, 2) Childcare,      3) Employment, 4) Transportation, and  5) Depression and anxiety.We also covered my childhood issues that I have brought into adulthood and I felt immensely better feeling validated and empowered. It's 1:15 p.m. I leave.

I'm running again..Man It's hot,, I gotta catch the 1:30 pm bus.. I missed it. I chilled, relaxed, and got me a Diet Coke and some Munchies and waited 30 minutes for the next bus.

I'm off the bus and I'm walking to get to my last appointment. What...  Excuse me... You can't find my name.. I don't have an appointment.  I sat down as they tried to figure out their error. My appointment was scheduled for 3:00 p.m. It's 3:15 p.m. I got up and said. "Ok, If you can't get me in, I'm leaving I got buses to catch to get back home to my babies!".  I'm in. I'm doing an intake interview to get medication. I feel the depression and anxiety levels in my life has risen immensely.  I need help. I'm done. I go back and talk to a doctor next Tuesday! YEAH! It's 3:45. p.m. I leave.

Yes, I am running again, mind you I am perfectly chubby, and it's hot...OMG. I made it. Luckily it was all downhill. I pop open my Diet Coke take a sip and look up and BAM the bus has arrived! It's 3:55. p.m. I'm rolling. Someone stinks, I am breathing through my mouth. WHY ME???

I am looking at the clock on the bus. This bus can't be late not even by a minute. I have another bus to catch to get home.  We were on time and I am 30 minutes away from being home. I am tired my feetsies hurt and I shouldn't of worn black and carried a black purse- that sun hella reflected on me. But I could use a little sun since I am a hermit chick!  It's 5:00 p.m. I can see my house. I walk up to the picture window and there they are. The reason I breathe and do the bus shuffle.

The twins ignored me for the first couple of minutes, they get mad at me when I leave. The baby, she just smiles constantly anyway.  I miss my babies so much when I am gone.  Bad.

I accomplished alot and I feel good about myself today!  Tomorrow-I have court but I don't have to go because my lawyer pushed it back a month, but Asshole, Methie, MF is gonna be up at 8 a.m. looking for me in court. HAHAHA--This is whole different story I'll divulge into later,/ I'm still pretty emotional about the situation. (I'm Still CUSSING HIM OUT) nfgkrjtjerlfjsljfglsjfjsdjfsdjfjksdkf;sdkfsdkfsdlflshflshdlfhsdhflsd.
He hurt me pretty bad. Unforgivable. Ok I'm over it.

I'm exhausted. Imma take a nice bath and get to bed!!  Till tomorrow friends!!