As I lay me down to sleep... The prayers that I remember growing up in a Catholic home. I have recently started to pray alot more lately. I have prayed on and off my whole life but when I have hit the bottom as I have now financially I pray. I pray that I find childcare, employment, and adequate housing to raise my children. I rely soley on my mom right now to pay my bills since the father of all the babies helps me with absolutely nothing.
I saw Justin (Methie) drive by my house today and when big Ben came to pick-up lil Ben he told me that his prostitute mothers car is parked at the dope house. Its a shame. I try and stay busy, but the loneliness creeps in and I just want or crave attention. My birthday is next week and I wonder, does he remember the plans we made, does he even care a shred? How can men be like that? Yes, I am an emotional needy, clingy and woman, but in the same breathe I was also a great homemaker and woman.
I know that no one wants me to get into another relationship anytime soon, but I can't stop thinking about if there really is someone out there for me. Is there a man out there willing to accept all my flaws plus my beautiful children and if there isn't I guess no man is really good enough to have us as his family huh. I tend to think negative then flip to positivity I have to or I'd be laying on the floor crying right now!!
Who know my future. But the uncertainty of if my bills will be paid, or If I have to take my family to a homeless shelter scares me to death. I feel like I can't fix this situation fast enough. I feel hopeless and miserable.
How do people get through life like this? I know that there are people out there in far worse situations. I just need to pray right! Tomorrow is another day and who knows what it'll bring.
I Have a long day tomorrow. I am going tot eh utility company and try and make payment arrangements and apply for ow income housing. My life will get better!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment