Another day in my depressing life...

I thought long and hard about what I wanted to talk about today and nothing is popping out of me!  I let the depression sink in a little more today.  I just let the day take its course. I look out the window and cater to the children.

I've been thinking about "relations" lately. I wanna have sex but I don't want all the lovey dovey shit afterwards. FOREAL. Nah I'm talking shit.  I know that I am getting older because, I'm just not all about the sex anymore. Not like I was a skinny thing, I never was and never will be. I just had men. They just kind of flocked to me. I don't have those options anymore.  Trust me these guys are all scummy. You know the guys, they have no money, no job, no car. Losers.  Ugh. I am not taking care of them type of dudes no more. Smoking all my cigarettes! A pack of cigarettes last me two weeks, these dudes smoke my shit up in a day!! Fuck that!! Okay okay-- I had a few good ones in that mix.  Oh Yeah I did! But I'm so over all that right now.

Remember I am trying to do right by me and my kids. No Men Allowed!

I applied for a job today. I am extremely qualified. But I am a felon. I cannot drive until 2016.  I don't have childcare. I made all these jacked up decision and have made my life extremely hard. BUS- BUS- BUS
I just pray and know that God's plan will be laid out before me and it will all make sense! And the clouds parted and the Angels sang...YEP YEP. That's what I believe.

The roaches are getting bad in the kitchen.  I am going to have to move soon.  I am looking into low income housing on the bus line!  Lord, Lord.  It's so hard being a single mother with no money.  Lord, Lord thank you for my mother to help me out!  Lord, Lord!

I have out multiple things on craigslist to sell for extra funds, No one has commented or wants my lil junk damn it. I want to at least come up with $60.00 dollars for my gas bill!

I am on color code. I have to call a phone number Monday thru Thursday and if they say my color I have to drop a drug test. I have been sober a year on August 31st.  Last August I got drunk and smoked a couple of blunts!  This birthday will be a sober one. I am excited for it because if I haven't relapsed yet because of stupid Methie then, I can really uphold my no alcohol and drugs sobriety.  Go Diane! Go Diane! I am really proud of myself and I don't need recognition from my family I want it but I don't get it!!


Okay I'm super sleepy, Night~