I lost many people I love in this order:
Damian Edward Flores-2003
Richard Lee LeDesma-2003
Wayne Wilbur Myers-2007
Joseph Zaragoza-2013
Frank Zaragoza-2014
Damian was my first cousin. He was the best cousin to me because we were the closest in age. Inseparable at family parties. He was always fun to be around. He thought I was funny. He had an amazing smile and style! Damian was just a free spirit and it wasn't his time to go!
Damian decided to jump off the Heart of America bridge one late October night. I was with my sick son Lil Ben at Childrens' Mercy Hospital, when my mom called me with the news. He was missing for 2 days, his body washed up in Mexico City, Missouri. I remember going to the river and just yelling his name as loud as I could. I was overwhelmed and stressed with all these life changing events happening to me.
I still really don't know the whole story on how he died, or reasons why he chose to take his life. My family has not been the same since his death. People not talking to people. Grudges still held. Complicatedly weird.
If wanna read his obit and see more of cuz click below:
My Father's death is a story I will get pretty detailed in telling. I was a week into bringing my son home and settling in for the night. My phone rang. It was my dad he was drunk and arguing with his girlfriend. He asked me to come and get him and I wasn't leaving. My son was new to his home. He kept calling and I was trying to calm both him and his girlfriend down. I remember a lot of yelling then I heard, "Your dad has my gun"'. I said, "What" and I said it over and over, and over again. Then I heard the gun shot. I hear his girlfriend say, "You dad shot himself in the head", I yelled call 911 and hung up. I then called the police and told them what had happened, I then called Big Ben and told him to come home immediately and watch the kids my dad was shot. I then called my mom then my sister, I told them to meet me at KU Hospital. I was dressed waiting for Ben then I took off. My mom sisters and I all arrived at the same time. My older sister came the furthest from Independence, Missouri so she musta flew.
His girlfriend was there at the hospital crying. We couldn't even look at her. I saw the ambulance come in with my dad on the gurney. There was so much blood and he was so swollen. They took him to ICU and we waited. I was telling myself he's still breathing he'll be fine. He wasn't. He had no brain activity. My moms family took on the responsibility to call my dad side of the family, I called just one person, my dad little sister Aunt Liz. She called many, many others early that morning. That ICU waiting room was packed with family members as my mom sisters and I decided to take him off life support. We surrounded him him and they disconnected the machine that was breathing for him.
We just cried. I remember leaving his room and just collapsing in the hallway and crying.
Earlier that morning the police came and got my statement and the girlfriends and deemed it a suicide. I felt differently tho. The cops said he put the gun behind his ear and shot himself and that didn't seem right to me. He said nothing to me while we were talking about wanting to kill himself. It's all a memory I choose to forget.
We were planning his 50th birthday that next week.
I think the mix of alcohol and depression is a good "suicide" combo. I believed for years that his girlfriend killed him and I've let that go some, but I just can't accept the fact that my dad might of did this too himself.
It'll be 11 years this year and I miss my father so much. I know my life would of been extremely different he he was still with us. My mom and sister don't really understand the gravity of guilt that I have over this situation. I live with it everyday and I know that's why I liked to numb myself with alcohol and drugs. I am in a better place now trying to forgive myself and I now that God has a plan. Just traumatized by that fucking phone call!!
His girlfriend was there at the hospital crying. We couldn't even look at her. I saw the ambulance come in with my dad on the gurney. There was so much blood and he was so swollen. They took him to ICU and we waited. I was telling myself he's still breathing he'll be fine. He wasn't. He had no brain activity. My moms family took on the responsibility to call my dad side of the family, I called just one person, my dad little sister Aunt Liz. She called many, many others early that morning. That ICU waiting room was packed with family members as my mom sisters and I decided to take him off life support. We surrounded him him and they disconnected the machine that was breathing for him.
We just cried. I remember leaving his room and just collapsing in the hallway and crying.
Earlier that morning the police came and got my statement and the girlfriends and deemed it a suicide. I felt differently tho. The cops said he put the gun behind his ear and shot himself and that didn't seem right to me. He said nothing to me while we were talking about wanting to kill himself. It's all a memory I choose to forget.
We were planning his 50th birthday that next week.
I think the mix of alcohol and depression is a good "suicide" combo. I believed for years that his girlfriend killed him and I've let that go some, but I just can't accept the fact that my dad might of did this too himself.
It'll be 11 years this year and I miss my father so much. I know my life would of been extremely different he he was still with us. My mom and sister don't really understand the gravity of guilt that I have over this situation. I live with it everyday and I know that's why I liked to numb myself with alcohol and drugs. I am in a better place now trying to forgive myself and I now that God has a plan. Just traumatized by that fucking phone call!!
I stalked his girlfriend for years!! I slashed all her tires multiple times, vandalized her trailer home and prayed that she would get what's coming to her. She did. She died of cancer a couple of years ago. I was very happy that day!!
Wayne is my Big Ben's older brother. Wayne was intoxicated one September evening and hit a support beam under a bridge, while driving pretty fast. I believe he was thrown from the car and died instantly. He was in Wichita then. His whole family including Ben and I drove up there. That 4 hour drive was really hard. I just felt so awful for Ben. He was tight with his brother. We were very close and had a great friendship, I was funeral directing then and I took his death as my personal responsibility to Big Ben to give him the best funeral possible!! I did too!
Joe was my dad's best friend and after his passing we became best friends. We were always drinkn together! I was 9 months pregnant and saw him the morning he died. We were best friends till his last breathe. I donated my burial spot to him so he could be next to my dad! They buried him to the minute that I gave birth to my twins!! I knew he was in the ground because the lights flickered in the operating room! Just lettn me know that he was ok! Joe's liver began to fail due to his alcoholism.
Frank was Joe's twin brother. He died one year and one month to the day. He died from alcoholism as well. Aspirated on himself while intoxicated.
If you know someone that is struggling with life. STOP and ask questions and be as supportive as you can Because you never know. You could be saving someones life!!
Feeling sad, depressed, talk to someone, anyone, Message me!! I like to talk or please call 1-800-273-8255
This is a great website:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
Feeling sad, depressed, talk to someone, anyone, Message me!! I like to talk or please call 1-800-273-8255
This is a great website:
http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
This was hard for me.. I need to prayers and sleep time now! Good night!
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